Grammar is without a doubt an indispensable weapon in the writer’s arsenal, but is it possible to get carried away? After all, there’s that old saw about moderation—which can be easily rebutted by that other old saw: “All things in moderation, including moderation.” In this spirit, I invite you, PWA community, to go crazy and give full vent to any latent grammar obsessions you might be harboring, no matter how depraved (in fact, the more depraved, the better, I say). Are you a grammar addict? Here are the top ten symptoms.
You know you’re a grammar addict if…
10. You’ve ever seriously considered getting a semicolon tattoo.
9. You actually have a semicolon tattoo.
8. You find yourself constantly fighting back the urge to copyedit signs, brochures, and menus.7. You find yourself wanting to shout (or actually shouting) “10 items or fewer!” at the express checkout stand.
6. You correct your own grammar in casual conversations.
5. It drives you up the wall when people say “myself” when they mean “I” or “me,” i.e. “Bob, Sue, and myself went to a movie last night.” You might have gone, but yourself sure as hell didn’t!
4. Tolerance is sacrificed at that altar of grammatical correctness (see above).
3. You were born knowing when to use “it’s” and when to use “its”.
2. When you read something like “the snake that eats it’s own tail” in an otherwise compelling piece, it’s enough to distract you from its other excellent qualities.
1. Your idea of a wild Friday night is making lists about your grammar addiction—which is good, because everyone else has stopped talking to you.
How do you know you’re a grammar addict?
Also, calling all grammar phobes — we want to hear from you, too! What steps have you taken to overcome your phobia? How have you managed to harmoniously coexist with grammar-philes? Alternatively — respond with your favorite grammar rule. Fun for the whole PWA family!
Allison Floyd documents the experience of being a newly minted Austinite at http://schadenfreudiananalysis.blogspot.com/. Her sinister alter ego documents being a misanthropist in the kitchen at http://eatdrinkbesolitary.tumblr.com. Her poetry and short fiction have appeared in flashquake, The Iconoclast, and the Berkeley Daily Planet, among others.
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